Cold Burger

OK, so the press don't seem to tire of giving us more stories about the economy, or lack of one.

According to this article, things are so bad that some people in China are trying to live on a little as 100RMB a week, which we are told is equivalent to £10 a week. This is probably slightly misleading, because the RMB to GBP exchange rate tells us nothing about the cost of living in China where on the one hand you could spend 2RMB (20p) on a large bowl of wonton noodles in a local suburban noodle shop, or 35RMB (£3.50) on a cup of Latte from Starbucks.

It's rather telling of spending habits in China that, according to the article, people have downgrade their quality of life from buying Louis Vuitton bags, to switching off the heating and going straight to bed with an electric blanket.

So nothing too extreme then.....

And obviously "luxury food items" such as McDonalds and KFC Chicken are now also off the gourmet menus. I'm surprised people have not decided to look in bins for half-eaten buns or half-finished cups of coffee. If it was from Starbucks it could be exchanged for 4 bowls of Wonton....

You sunk my battleship!

Sometimes the ways of the world get too much for me and I'd rather I just went back to being a child where my only problems were hours of homework, forced lessons to learn the hated violin and racial abuse from ignorant English classmates.

Hang on, maybe adulthood is better.

That said, my mind is playing ping-pong in the latest Eastenders-Ricky-and-Bianca-style-relationship between People's Republic "Red Dragon" China (boo, hiss) and the United States "Clawed Eagle" America (erm, boo, hiss).

In yesterday's paper we read that the US are to send warships to the South China Sea because the Chinese Navy have been harrasssing and behaving menacing towards unarmed American ships. Well naughty China, you're once again showing your true colours as a menace to world peace aren't you? But hold on, China are saying that the unarmed US ship was a spy ship performing surveillance on Chinese military activity and bases. That's not very nice is it Uncle Sam? And even worse they were only 75 miles from the Chinese coast and in Chinese waters.

Well once again Uncle Sam is throwing his weight around the world thinking it can do whatever it wants, right? But no the Americans say, they were in international waters, and they don't recognise Chinese claims on waters that are also being claimed by other countries in the immediate vicinity such as Vietnam and the Phillipines.

So, after all, it's Red China just trying to claw more territory to add to its growing empire of yellow peril, right? And by trying to bully an unarmed US vessel in disputed waters is just a little test of the new president's toughness, given the reputation of Democrats of being weak on the international stage. Well that's one opinion being expressed in the comments section of the article I read. Mind you other comments there talked about full-scale war between the two countries.

But hang on, would China send a surveillance craft into the disputed waters 75 miles off the coast of, say, Cape Canaveral without expecting some kind of a response?

You say tomato, I say tomato, with every little new piece of information I receive the whole situation gets turned upside-down again. Maybe I should go back to school and start all over again....

Panda Pops over t'neighbours

The Chinese-made JZ-3600D Missile, nicknamed "The Panda" by journalists.


Taken from the Daily Laim, London.

China is at it again, and its latest victim as the RED DRAGON strives to become TOP DOG of Asia is poor old Taiwan.

In an attempt to BAMBOOzle the Taiwanese, China have sent two PANDAS to Taipei Zoo as a unashamedly political bribe for unification. Well you can't accuse China of PANDERing to the wishes of independence-minded Taiwanese, as they unleash a PANDEmic of cuddly propaganda symbols on the world that will surely result in ecological PANDEmonium for the species.

But one consolation is at least they won't be stealing work for lower wages from the local native species of bear..